Tag Archives: engagements

Commitment … How Things Change

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by Weusi

First they said … “Just wait … once you say ‘I do,’ things will change.” I didn’t want that to be me. So I asked questions to my friends and family that were married and/or had been married. THEN, I got more words of advice (along with some heartfelt chuckles). “Once you become engaged things start to change.” I didn’t believe it.

After about a week of being engaged, over and over, I found myself laughing at myself when I corrected the mistake of speaking about Shelli as my girlfriend. There were moments when I literally could not stop myself from smiling and/or giggling out loud as I said, “I mean … My fiancé!” That’s when it hit me … Yeah … things have indeed changed! Not only am I changing my language from girlfriend to fiancé, but I’ve changed from words and thoughts of I & me to US & WE. The idea that “I” is the last letter in my name after WE & US really kicked in! And I’m cool with that. I embrace the idea of WE and look forward to a life of US. I am more than committed to this. This realization had me rethinking life … re-evaluating what dedication is.

Now you have to understand something about me. When I commit, I commit 110%! I’ve invested all of myself into projects and people. I’ve sacrificed love, friendships and finances in the past. I’ve won sometimes and I’ve lost at times. I go pretty hard. I know what it means to be dedicated … or so I thought. Then I asked Shelli to be my wife.

In the past, I have loved, but recently I realized that it wasn’t about ME loving Shelli. This isn’t about me being committed to marriage. Those things are easy to do and are unquestionable and solid in this relationship. What changed is that now I understand that this commitment is about US dedicating ourselves, collectively as ONE, to marriage. After this epiphany, I understand commitment and dedication differently now.

OK so …  Shelli and I continue to talk about enjoying this time being engaged without the headache of wedding planning. In my mind, that would last for about 4-6 weeks. But NOW … I’m 6+ weeks deep into this engagement thing! Sunday, we took a step forward and set a date to finally get our families all together. Allowing ourselves to take our time to make these plans has importance. Well, at least in my mind it has importance. It allowed the reality of the process to kick in. (I have work to do!) The other reason that it was important to me was that I wanted to make sure that we stayed rooted in the reality of our love before we jumped into the headaches and fantasy of wedding planning. WE continue to talk about how we’re both fighting the urge to jump into wedding planning. But the truth is, neither of us really wants to do deal with the wedding planning  headaches. But … we both want those fly pictures to document what WE know will be recognized as a historic love!!

And yes, my mind wanders at times.

I find myself listening to songs and thinking, “I could come down the aisle to that!” But I know that it would come with me dancing down the aisle so … this is more than likely a no go … but I still LOVE THIS song!

Or, “I gotta put that on the playlist at the reception!” I just heard that they are FINALLY (after 2 years!) getting this mastered. So, hopefully, I can get it on the playlist for real!

Or I find myself thinking other things such as, “I like the cut and details on that tuxedo!” and “I want a dessert bar in the mix with Twizzlers … and Red Vines!” or “Maybe we could have a really classy 1950s themed wedding!” Then there are those times when I am flipping channels or surfing the web and see something about dresses or a  vacation/honeymoon spot and I stop and look for a while.

Yes, WE have a good thing happening here between US … and I want to make sure that it stays that way. 

I write this to say … for some of us testosterone-driven beings, having the time to settle in and get a grasp of the totality of things can be all we need so that we don’t lose it as wedding planning begins. We know it’s gotta happen and we know that it’s not easy work. But we also know that easing into the process may save the relationship a bunch of stress and extends things so that there is a little extra time to enjoy being engaged and in love. 

And, for real … I still smile when I get the opportunity to tell people that Shelli is my fiancé!

Although some would say that I’m kinda corny, I like to define those moments as proof that I’m happily in love!
I LOVE YOU SHELLI GILLIS!

Yes … things change … and sometimes that’s for the better!

(ARGGHHH … I guess WE have to talk more about that last name thing, huh?! Maybe that’s a future post?)

SHiNE

Off Topic: On Our Engagement

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by Weusi

I have been engaged for about 72 hours.

And I know that this is a hair care blog and my role is to share the male perspective of things. But, today I’d like to go off subject and touch on a few points about the engagement process.

*NOTE: These are kinda random thoughts that I just need to get outta my system, but I feel like they will give you some insight into the male perspective.

1) Long ago I was committed to this relationship. In my mind, we have been married for some time. I used to (kinda) joke with her about her being my wife already. She’d laugh and say, “yes … but NO!” And I understood that.

I know that stating our vows in front of God is important to her. It’s important to me too. And since God and I have a great relationship and it’s something that makes her happy, marriage vows make sense! And since marriage vows come with some other baggage … I’ll take that … as long as Shelli’s gonna be happy.

(Normally, this would be where I’d get into the discussion about the difference between the spiritual tradition of marriage vows and the business of marriage but I’d rather just leave this on a positive note.)

2) I have no problem challenging norms and traditions. In fact, I often rush to challenge them. But I did things the old school, traditional way because I felt that they were the right way to do things.

I asked her parents for permission … I got the ok from my family and shared an heirloom ring from my grandmother and great-aunt (even though the ring has a diamond and I’m anti-diamonds!) … I kneeled as an action that symbolized my submission to my love and asked her to marry me!

All that to say … Significant Others, the traditions make sense. They are rooted in principles of chivalry and respect. Handle your biz. It may take a little time and it may challenge your personal comforts but, in the end, it’s worth it.

3) I know this is what you all want to know … How it happened:

Shelli knows I’m anti Valentine’s Day. I didn’t buy a gift and I kinda knew that it would stir up something. So, on the evening of 2/14/12, I told her I had a new post, “It’s a short one, but it’s good.” I started writing a blog for her to post on this site about my feelings towards the holiday. I e-mailed it to her with the subject: “new SO He says … wake me up when you read this … i gotta finish.” I knew she’d get up the next morning and proof it. It was a short, kinda corny post that I didn’t really feel was up to par. I also left the ending incomplete. It was pretty much the same post from yesterday, but it ended with the picture with the heart in hand.

The next morning I sat behind her as she proofed it. I knew that, at the end she’d turn around a little confused and be like “Baby, uhhh … what is this?”

Instead … as she read, I was kneeling beside her as if I was proofing with her. When she finished reading the incomplete article she turned to me to ask a question …

With my heart racing a million beats a second, I was there … with my ring in hand.

She started to ask me about the ending of the post, then noticed the ring and realized what was happening. She started crying and I asked if she’d be my wife and spend forever with me. She was crying and didn’t say anything. When she got her composure, I asked if she’d marry me. She mumbled yes and nodded. Then we hugged, kissed … and now … we’ll live happily ever after!

4) I kinda know quite a few people. I wanted EVERYONE to know that I’m getting married. BUT … I didn’t want to call everyone and tell them! SO … I was excited to post my engagement on Facebook, Twitter (@weusib333) and G+ to let all those that I’m connected with know that I was engaged! So much so that I had to call Shelli and ask if she’d already called her parents, sisters and friends.

Now, in my mind, I’d just put it out to the world and those that I’m close to would reach out to me … or not. To me, this really isn’t about anyone else but Shelli and me. All the fanfare and comments are nice, but I’m more concerned that Shelli isn’t getting too caught up in the excitement and hype. I want her to stay excited about being married to ME, not start to worry about plans. When it’s time for that stuff, we’ll handle it!

5) MOST IMPORTANTLY … PLEASE stop asking me if we set a date or wedding plans! PEOPLE … can I bask in the enjoyment that the person I love has agreed to share their life with me!?! PLEASE stop asking me if we set a date! The headaches of event planning are sure to come … but for now … relax … we are gonna enjoy this for a second.

(Yo … I just found out a bottle of Herbal Essence Hello Hydration is going into the mix for the product swap! I got a little salty, then Shelli informed me that there were 3 other bottles under the sink! Whew! Because I like that stuff!)

And that’s all folks …

SHiNE