Tag Archives: 40 plus first time parents

Jan15

The Countdown Continues

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IAN_0355by Weusi

More things on my mind …

  • People take the miracle of pregnancy for granted. Pregnancy isn’t an easy thing. Although science can describe many things about it, there are still moments in the process that happen and science can’t tell you how or why. So many things need to be in alignment for it to happen that it in my eyes it is nothing short of a miracle.

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28 weeks

  • Because I believe in the Nguzu Saba Principle of Kujichagulia, which is the Kwanzaa principle that says we define ourselves … I am redefining fatherhood … I am calling it DADDYDOM! Because, when you are a daddy, you are responsible for another’s well-being, like a king. The other parallel is that often others look at the position as one of power, but it is really about responsibility. I know this is a little stretch, but it’s a fun word to say … “DADDYDOM!”
  • At the last ultrasound, the technician said that Baby Girl had a head of hair. I feel comfortable doing a ponytail or afro-puffs, but gotta learn how to cornrow hair, do box braids and flat braids now! Awww hell, I’m not fooling anyone … I gotta learn the difference!
  • In the future, more fathers will be called Pops and it will be a term for older fathers that are cool because they are who they are, not because they are trying to be young and cool.
  • I have times when I lack tact. It’s not often, but it happens at times. I think part of it is because I come from a  family where we talked more about being honest and not much about being nice. Being nice was something that was expected as a norm. But “niceness” is something that is taught. How will I teach it? Hmmm … how about, “Do like your mother.”
  • I will have to make more decisions on aesthetics without Shelli’s assistance.
  • The other day, we saw the movie Selma. Without giving anything away, let me just say that everyone should go see this beautiful movie. And don’t get there late because you are trying not to see all the trailers and previews. Make sure that you see it from start to finish! The movie moved me to tears more than once for a variety of reasons. In the end, it was the reality that my generation of Black people is the first to have the FREEDOM to move around the country and to vote. We’ve had the right, but it wasn’t until LBJ passed the Civil Rights Act outlawing public racial discrimination in 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965 that we had the national governments support to engage us to experience these FREEDOMS. Afterward, I cried in anger, sorrow, and in angst. The feeling that I haven’t done enough hurt SOOOOOO bad. My daughter still has to deal with those who are resistant to the dismantling of the “good ol’ boy” systems and have infiltrated the fields of politics, academia, media, military, and underground covert movements in their quest to maintain the ways and ideologies of the Old South. This isn’t a depressing thought. It is inspiring. Please see this movie and allow yourself to be moved to tears and to take action.

  • People take living for granted. Each breath is a gift from God. We shouldn’t just cherish life, but figure out what it is to us as individuals that get us excited about life.

I am thankful for so much and yet I keep asking God for favor and to continue blessing me. I owe God a lot. Everything.

SHiNE

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Jan11

The Countdown!

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shower3by Weusi

Ok … over the next few days, I’m gonna give you a peek into the mind and the life of a 44 year old that is about to be a father for the first time. Right now, these are a few of the things on my mind …

First, I want to be done with the baby’s room. Like really done. Not the, “You’ll get it when we need it” done. Or, “We’ll just put some things on the walls” kinda done. I mean the, “We don’t have to think about it anymore” done. In a few days there will be NOTHING relevant to me except the well-being, health, and happiness of my baby girl and my wife. I already don’t care too much about aesthetics, so forgive me if … no, im not asking for forgiveness … now you’ll know why I may be lacking tact next week. I’m focused. And it’s not on anyone or anything but my wife and My Baby! The issue is that my wife is so nice that, to keep her happy, I have to be nice at times when I only want to be honest. It’s hard sometimes and has been one of the most valuable things I have (re-) learned about myself while with Shelli. And I know that this skill will be valuable as a father.

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Next thought … We picked a pediatrician. That was a reality check. My baby has a doctor.  She isn’t even here yet! Reality check … BOOM!

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And … we attended some classes last week on parenting and breastfeeding. More than the information that was shared, it was encouraging to see that other people felt like they could benefit from speaking to an expert about these processes. Science, technology, and access to information has changed so drastically and rapidly over the years that a new parent will always feel like there is something on which they need to be updated. I really appreciate parents of previous generations. I was born in 1970. Things were so different then. I knew that I was a preemie, but I just found out that I was only 4 lbs 3 ounces at birth. I stayed in the hospital about 3 weeks. I imagine that felt like an eternity for my parents … and that’s why they told me I was there for 6 weeks! Note: Grandparents’ exaggeration is entirely another blog! All that to say, I feel very blessed that My Baby Girl will be the beneficiary of all this informatiom and modern know how.

Then there’s the fact that … I really miss my community in DC and NC. I wish that people weren’t so far away. I really want to celebrate this with all those people that had a part in making me the person I am today. I’ve been been helped by many. And schooled by so many lessons from so many people. I think it would be incredible to raise a child with all those aunts and uncles around! Hopefully we will have plenty of playdates in DC and DC (Durham County, NC!). Parenthood has also made me re-evaluate my personal paradigms of community and my role in it (If anyone is interested, I’ll write about that as well).

And … the advice I most often get from parents is get some sleep now, because the first few months can be rough. But, it’s 6:30 am and I’m awake. I have been sleeping off and on for about a week now. Part of me feels like my body is being conditioned for the baby’s arrival and part of me is just excited to the point where I can’t sleep. This is WAY BETTER than the excitement of any holiday or any event in my life. I was tired the night before the wedding. I slept like a baby. I have a post about my perspective of the wedding experience. Shelli will post it eventually (Hint-Hint!).

Now … can I talk with you about “nesting?” It’s a dumb term! What it really should be called is what it is … getting your house ready for a baby. And I consider y’all my peoples, so why didn’t anyone warn me that this is when Shelli was going into “organizing/nesting” from an aesthetic to practical mentality, but I was focused on practicality and was gonna be happy that things were neat and safe with little regard to aesthetics! We are lucky that we love each other and that we both have the ability to articulate why we would prefer for something to be one way or dislike something when it is another way. I imagine that those conversations may have churned up some turmoil in some other couples lives!

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And finally … I have decided to be called Pop or Pops by my daughter. It won out over Baba, which is a term that many African-centered fathers use to maintain African cultural significance. I feel that our Blackness and connection to Africa will be manifested in other ways throughout her daily interactions. Dad or Daddy seem too regular for me. Plus, they start off as sounds. She will be calling everyone Da-Da just because that will be one of the first sounds she is able to create. I will work with her to develop the oratory skills necessary to say Pops. Plus it makes it logical that her grandfathers be called Pop-Pop because they are the Pop of her mom and Pop!

Ok … that’s more than enough for now. Sorry about that. I have more on my mind than I thought!

#SHiNE