Summer Heat, Hair and a Lesson in Self-Acceptance


The never ending over- manipulation of my hair ↓. Smhby M of Hair and Other Stuff

I’ve been frustrated with my natural hair for years, but I think I had a revelation last week. The blistering heat and humidity of summer has made it pointless to attempt doing much with my hair. It’s been looking crazy and I don’t even care. This is new for me.

Normally, when my hair looks (what I feel is) crazy, I’m obsessed with getting it right. I’ll re-wash, re-twist, re-apply products, everything. I’m usually doing Can’t help it!

Lately though, when I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see, I just keep it moving. I’m finally realizing that this is how my hair is gonna be.

Yes, it will always be knotted up on the sides (heavy sigh), yes, it will always be frizzy and loose at the crown and yes, it will probably always have the cutest little ringlets in the back of my head where no one can see them. But, it’s all part of what makes my hair, MY hair. Though it seems silly, this is so new for me. I’ve been in a battle with my hair for a while and “methinks” the hair has just won. It feels freeing to finally let go of the frenetic search for the right product/style/texture and all the stress that came with that.

This doesn’t mean I won’t have a hairstyles that I dislike or that I won’t use henna in hopes of making my hair more manageable (smh), shiny or grey-less. It doesn’t even mean that I’ll be in total love with my hair like some naturals are. It just means that I am embracing myself more fully and that, I think, is a good thing.

Can’t say I’m thrilled at the thought of more hot, sticky, humid days, BUT, I am thankful for the summer heat, if only for making it so hard to “fix” my hair that I just quit trying. Sometimes things don’t work out no matter what you do, so you will stop trying to “fix” things and just go along with what was meant to be. ☺

It looks like this is how it’s gonna be.


Are you still struggling to embrace your natural hair? Weigh in…

Yesterday morning
Yesterday night

Ummmm … Yeah, think I know where you are coming from M;). But, nope! LOL! Not struggling with self-acceptance (despite the look on my face … that’s just a headache and exhaustion). It is what it is. I have frizz-prone hair with four different curl patterns that won’t hold a set for several days, let alone weeks … add humidity to the equation and I just wasted time and product to reset a braid-out that won’t make it through the day. But, that’s why God made buns;). *lol*

Twelve years into this and I mostly know what my hair does and doesn’t do … the good, the bad, the ugly. And though at times I may daydream about the possibilities of a different head of hair, at the end of the day, this is MY head of multi-textured madness and I’m okay with it (except for that dang nape … why is it so thin and straight?!?!?! Okay, sorry, so I MOSTLY self-accept ;).)


18 responses »

  1. M, I love your hair… kind of reminds me of my own. I have my hair battles all the time, though I can honestly say these days of late, my hair has been very good to me. I think partly because I stopped manipulating it too much, I just let it do what it does.


  2. Pingback: Perfect Imperfection « hairscapades

  3. Wow M, you totally described my hair to a T!

    “Yes, it will always be knotted up on the sides (heavy sigh), yes, it will always be frizzy and loose at the crown and yes, it will probably always have the cutest little ringlets in the back of my head where no one can see them.”

    Totally my hair, ALL DAY!! But I’ve LONG since given up on trying to do a whole lot to it–it is what it is, and it’s never gonna be any different. So I just keep doing the same thing over and over, trying things every one in awhile but usually I do a braid out, that transitions into a puff as the week goes by. And then I start it all over on Sunday…same thing, week after week. Tried flex rods, that was an EPIC Fail–tried mini twists and they just looked a hot mess (maybe they weren’t mini enough), and now I’m thinking about trying some highlights…

    Anywho, I read all the time and never comment, but your post spoke to me so much that I thought I would not be a lurker this time! 🙂


    • Nikki- Yaaaay for lurkers coming out! I love when lurkers reveal themselves! Ha. I can’t believe your hair is like that too! So the braid out is your go to style? Yes, EVERY style turns into a puff for me sooner or later. It’s the only thing that is not a complete fail! 🙂


  4. I have been working on accepting my naturally wavy, frizzy, big hair these last few weeks. I like to have my hair sleek and straight, but that’s just not my hair, even when I blow dry and straighten it, it’s still frizzy and dry and dull. I’ve also been helping my 7 year old daughter accept her frizzy curly hair. She is starting to accept it more and more, especially when I show her pictures of all you beautiful ladies! It’s a slow process, but I’m getting there.


    • Amanda- you are so right, it is a process. It’s taken me years to even come to this point. I’m so glad you are starting early with your daughter so she won’t be going through this as an adult ( hopefully)! You rock!


  5. I am multi-textured as well. The other day, a fellow natural complimented my hair, “Wow, how do you get your edges and nape to lay down?” Right away I launched into a tirade about how I cannot wear a wash-n-go because of all these crazy textures. My nape hair straightens if you look at it too hard, in the mean time the hair above forms those nice 4a ringlets. The crown is even coarser, leading to my goody banana clip breaking after 2 uses! Hey, it’s my hair, and if someone is going to love it; it better start with me. I love you, hair (sometimes, for now)!


  6. Pingback: Going with It … Well, Not Really. « hairscapades

  7. I love this post! I think a lot of us feel or have felt what you are going through but there is something so liberating and beautiful about allowing yourself to fall in love with what you’ve been given. If God wanted us otherwise, we would have been created otherwise. And your hair IS beautiful indeed!


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