Question of the Day: The Talk

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So, after reading Norma’s Big Chop HairStory and about her conversation with her significant other, I had a question for all of you:

Would/did you discuss your decision to go natural/transition/big chop with your significant other? Why or why not? If you did/would, would their preference, approval or disapproval affect your ultimate decision?

(And, in case you missed it, check out Wei’s reaction when I told him that I was planning on getting Afro Puffy Twists last winter:  A Seasonal Do … (Maybe A Please DON’T.)

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21 responses »

  1. Yes, I did discuss it with him to be fair, but it didn’t affect my decision to go natural and big chop. When he met me, I had shoulder length hair and it was all mine. He makes remarks all the time, like he has the longest hair in the house (three women & one man). I love my process and this time I’m sticking with it. I’ve cut my hair off in the last 20 years about 5 or 6 times.

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  2. I always discuss my hair decisions with my S.O. I made the mistake of cutting my hair from BSL to shoulder length a long time ago, and he acted like the world had come to an end. At the time, I had never considered how he felt about my hair because he never really seemed to care. I was on my relaxed hair journey during that time; and he thought it was so silly, all the hair forums and hair friends and such. I had grown my hair longer than it had ever been, but I assumed he wasn’t really paying attention. I was crushed that he was so heartbroken, so I decided to never do that again. However, I will say that I BC’d (last Friday, 07/13/2012, YEAH ME!!!) after first just telling him it was time but not asking for his opinion. I had been going over it in my mind for weeks, even though I intended to transition for a long time. I just suddenly got the urge and called the stylist that day. I informed my S.O., and I could tell he had reservations. Aside from joking that he was going to call the stylist and threaten her if she chopped my hair, he didn’t say I couldn’t and didn’t try to persuade me otherwise. So I did it and was surprised that I was so excited and had no reservations and no tears, but he said he was not feeling it at all. That was the only damper on my BC experience. However…just to show how great God is, we were grocery shopping the next day and my husband (at the other end of the aisle) saw this man looking at me so seriously. He hurried over and asked if I hit the man with the cart. LOL I told him the man said I was just so beautiful. It was like the whole universe shifted, and my husband’s attitude immediately changed. MEN!!!

    If my husband had expressly said I cut not BC, I would not have done it; but I would have been really disappointed. I don’t know why I had a sudden overwhelming urge to end my transition, but I did; and I don’t know how I would have handled it if he said I could not do it.

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    • That is too funny!!! It is amazing how they have reservations but, the second another man is basking in your true beauty the tables turn! What certain men need to realize is if a woman can pull off natural hair, BC’s, etc….Then she truly is a JEM!!!! You have to own it inside and out!!! Let your inner Goddess SHINE!!! #Realtalk

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    • LAVENDAR!!!! YOU BIG CHOPPED?!?!?! Okay, you know that you BETTER send me pics at the very least!!!! I want a hairstory, but I’ll take the pics!! OMGosh, you did it!!! How are you feeling?!?!? I’m so excited:)!!!!

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      • Shelli! I’m so sorry I’m so late. I’m in college and the Summer semester was a killer, not to mention I had to take a road trip with the hubby and kids to FL from DC right before exams. I have a short break before Fall (like really short, back on 8/27), and I will certainly send you some pics. I finally had a chance to organize them today. I’m still flying high about my BC. I’m still struggling and somewhat lost at times…LOLOL…but I’m still just as thrilled about my natural hair. Thanks for the support!!!

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  3. I had a talk with my husband because I was confused and needed support. I was worried about the society’s perception of me. He encouraged me to do it because he saw how much I struggled. It was not about asking for permission, it was a matter of knowing that the one person that I could count on would cheer me on at times when I needed it. I talk about our journey together in to the natural world, a world that was new to both he and I in this article:

    http://diaryofasmalltowndiva.blogspot.com/2012/03/winds-of-change-one-step-closer-to.html

    we have definitely had more experiences since then but I appreciate his input and love it when he “talks curly to me”

    🙂 XOXO
    Petite Diva

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  4. I told my husband that I was going to stop relaxing my hair and he said “Ok, do whatever makes you happy.” That was the end of the discussion. Now he just knows to leave me alone when I’m watching my YouTube videos or reading hair blogs. LOL!

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  5. I totally agree with all my ladies…If you have that true understanding with your SO it’s not about permission it is merely a heads up what you have in mind. Of course we are eager to know their take on the situation but at the end of the day it is still our final decision. If you respect one another there should be any major issues within the relationship.

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  6. My husband always hated my permed hair. He liked short hair because you can see the neck. So, when I decided I wanted to cut all the perm off in 2002 because I was tired of doing it we both got what we wanted! My fave thing about this story is that I let him cut it. We got out the clippers and buzz…all my permed hair was bye bye. And we both loved the way it looked!!!!

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  7. When I decided to go natural in 2006 my husband and I were dating. He met me when I was relaxed and I am glad he did because he definitely appreciates the change in the health of my hair. Anyway I had the attitude that “until you start washing, conditioning, and styling, my hair you have no say in what I do with it!” fast forward to the present. He has commented that he was really worried when I went natural. I didn’t know how to care for my hair at the time so I’m sure it looked a dry hot mess. But with the help of natural blogs, YouTube, websites, books etc, I got this! So after constantly being stopped when we are out in public and people stopping me to ask questions about my hair, he says “I knew you should have gone natural in the beginning, see I told you!” he gets the side eye on that. Now the only requests he has is no weaves!

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  8. When I BC’d, I was with someone who definitely supported my decision, and our roommate cut it for me. Now that I’m with my husband, he loves my natural hair, an especially loves when i wear it out. I’m not sure if he has a length preference, but if I decided to cut it again I’d tell him only because I talk to him about almost everything. I frankly wouldn’t care if he didn’t like it or not, because it’s my hair and I hope he didn’t marry me for it. I think the BC is invaluable in that it really challenges you, and I think that goes for the people around you too.

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  9. The last time I big chopped, I was casually dating someone so I didn’t feel it necessary to ask his opinion on my hair, but I did tell him that I was planning on cutting it off. When he showed up for the unveiling of my new look, he brought flowers and after getting used to it said ‘I like it’.

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  10. Its always good to communicate any major change you decide to make with your significant other. Its only right to at least let them believe that you care, wife’s know what I’m saying lol My husband now uses my products *behind my back* & plus after we had our little girl then he had the ahha moment about natural hair…I love my man!!

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  11. I do discuss my hair style decisions with my fiancé’. I would not necessarily say, I follow his every recommendation but his opinion is important to me. He doesn’t care if I wear weaves, wigs, or my brand new natural look. I was nervous to unveil my natural look, as I was unsure of what his reaction would be. When I FINALLY decided to unleash my own natural hair he loved it. As he just said, “If it’s neat and I love it, he loves it..”

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  12. I mentioned going natural to my SO. He didn’t know what I meant at first but was all for it after I explained. He’s a all natural, minimalist type. No hair coloring, no make up, etc. Even if he didn’t want me to go natural I would have because it was beneficial to me. I am glad he’s so supportive though. It really helps when your partner is on your side!

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  13. I was natural when I met my hubby so there was no discussion needed. We talked about what styles he like ( straight backs cause he likes to see the parts) I think he would freak out if i big chopped so Id discuss it with him before i go on a cutting spree.

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  14. I actually did discuss going natural and big chopping with my husband. I had mid back, permed hair when we met. Due to issues with birth control, I eventually had to cut my hair to chin length and when he expressed how he always liked the halle berry/toni braxton look, I went for it and chopped it all off. Although he loves short hair, I know that short and permed is ENTIRELY different from short and natural so eventhough I had his full blessings and the “do what makes you happy” talk, I was still nervous. I actually waited until he away on military training for two weeks to have my mom cut it off on the day after my birthday. I was so nervous about his reaction that I sent him a pic over the phone so that I didn’t have to see that initial pause and wierd stare that I thought he was going to give me. While patiently waiting for his response, he surprised me with a bunch of smiley faces and “I love it!” That really gave me the confidence that I needed to rock my twa. If I love it and hubby loves it, then I didn’t care about anyone else’s opinions, lol.

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  15. Hey Shelli its Moya and I have to just say a few lines abt this topic..I did make the decision on my own, That happn becuz I started having Kids. Then I saw this one girl with Natural Hair and I really like it..So tht push me to go Natural.. Have had ups n down.. I still get negative comments some times frm Hubby, sometime he approve of a hair style I do and sometimes not.. He will tell me its very dry,or do someting to it.. He does love when I wear braid, but I have to please me too.

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  16. I never gave going natural a thought until my hubby brought it up. He convinced me to stop using the chemicals and just let my natural hair shine. My mom relaxed my hair at age 14 and I never even gave it a thought each time I needed a touch up. Because of him, I now am enjoying my natural curls in all their glory!

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