I have been engaged for about 72 hours.
And I know that this is a hair care blog and my role is to share the male perspective of things. But, today I’d like to go off subject and touch on a few points about the engagement process.
*NOTE: These are kinda random thoughts that I just need to get outta my system, but I feel like they will give you some insight into the male perspective.
1) Long ago I was committed to this relationship. In my mind, we have been married for some time. I used to (kinda) joke with her about her being my wife already. She’d laugh and say, “yes … but NO!” And I understood that.
I know that stating our vows in front of God is important to her. It’s important to me too. And since God and I have a great relationship and it’s something that makes her happy, marriage vows make sense! And since marriage vows come with some other baggage … I’ll take that … as long as Shelli’s gonna be happy.
(Normally, this would be where I’d get into the discussion about the difference between the spiritual tradition of marriage vows and the business of marriage but I’d rather just leave this on a positive note.)
2) I have no problem challenging norms and traditions. In fact, I often rush to challenge them. But I did things the old school, traditional way because I felt that they were the right way to do things.
I asked her parents for permission … I got the ok from my family and shared an heirloom ring from my grandmother and great-aunt (even though the ring has a diamond and I’m anti-diamonds!) … I kneeled as an action that symbolized my submission to my love and asked her to marry me!
All that to say … Significant Others, the traditions make sense. They are rooted in principles of chivalry and respect. Handle your biz. It may take a little time and it may challenge your personal comforts but, in the end, it’s worth it.
3) I know this is what you all want to know … How it happened:
Shelli knows I’m anti Valentine’s Day. I didn’t buy a gift and I kinda knew that it would stir up something. So, on the evening of 2/14/12, I told her I had a new post, “It’s a short one, but it’s good.” I started writing a blog for her to post on this site about my feelings towards the holiday. I e-mailed it to her with the subject: “new SO He says … wake me up when you read this … i gotta finish.” I knew she’d get up the next morning and proof it. It was a short, kinda corny post that I didn’t really feel was up to par. I also left the ending incomplete. It was pretty much the same post from yesterday, but it ended with the picture with the heart in hand.
The next morning I sat behind her as she proofed it. I knew that, at the end she’d turn around a little confused and be like “Baby, uhhh … what is this?”
Instead … as she read, I was kneeling beside her as if I was proofing with her. When she finished reading the incomplete article she turned to me to ask a question …
With my heart racing a million beats a second, I was there … with my ring in hand.
She started to ask me about the ending of the post, then noticed the ring and realized what was happening. She started crying and I asked if she’d be my wife and spend forever with me. She was crying and didn’t say anything. When she got her composure, I asked if she’d marry me. She mumbled yes and nodded. Then we hugged, kissed … and now … we’ll live happily ever after!
4) I kinda know quite a few people. I wanted EVERYONE to know that I’m getting married. BUT … I didn’t want to call everyone and tell them! SO … I was excited to post my engagement on Facebook, Twitter (@weusib333) and G+ to let all those that I’m connected with know that I was engaged! So much so that I had to call Shelli and ask if she’d already called her parents, sisters and friends.
Now, in my mind, I’d just put it out to the world and those that I’m close to would reach out to me … or not. To me, this really isn’t about anyone else but Shelli and me. All the fanfare and comments are nice, but I’m more concerned that Shelli isn’t getting too caught up in the excitement and hype. I want her to stay excited about being married to ME, not start to worry about plans. When it’s time for that stuff, we’ll handle it!
5) MOST IMPORTANTLY … PLEASE stop asking me if we set a date or wedding plans! PEOPLE … can I bask in the enjoyment that the person I love has agreed to share their life with me!?! PLEASE stop asking me if we set a date! The headaches of event planning are sure to come … but for now … relax … we are gonna enjoy this for a second.
(Yo … I just found out a bottle of Herbal Essence Hello Hydration is going into the mix for the product swap! I got a little salty, then Shelli informed me that there were 3 other bottles under the sink! Whew! Because I like that stuff!)
And that’s all folks …