by Weusi
Her seasonal do …
SO … we’re in the beauty store (No, I don’t just stand outside or sit in the car anymore … I go in now … all the stuff in these stores amazes me!).
She reminds me that she wants to get a protective style. She says, “So what do you think?”
She continues talking about these double twist that she’s thinking about … but then she slips in that she’d be adding some of this … and she pulls a bag off the wall … HUH!?! REALLY!?!
Then she says … “Or maybe a wig” … something like (whatever she pointed at on the wall) …
*CRICKETS!!!* … *MORE CRICKETS* … THEN … DISTURBING SILENCE …
Now during this seemingly eternal silence, these are the thoughts on my mind:
ok … lets work through this really quickly …
did you really ask me “what do [I] think?”
She says she likes her hair natural …
But … she’s gonna add some really good synthetic hair … but …
The other option is putting someone else’s hair on her head …
WHAT!?! … ARE YOU FOR REAL!?! WHAT KIND OF CHOICES ARE THESE?
NOW, as a man, in an often sexist and patriarchal society, who grew up in a home and around a community where being honest, socially conscious and open-minded were badges of high moral standing, I really have no choice but to side for what is right … and that’s to speak my truth. So, finally I answer.
“Nah … I don’t like either.”
AND … I’m clear about what she asked me. She asked what I thought of the styles. She did not ask my permission for a style. She’s a grown woman. She makes her own decision about how she styles her hair.
I love her … I don’t own her! BUT … BUT NOTHING!!!
There are no buts about it. To me, a part of loving someone means you accept them as they are. You know and trust in the principles that they value, so that when they do things that don’t excite you, you trust that those principles guide their choices.
Many of us (SOs) are happy in an old beat up t-shirt and some jeans … sometimes my/our aesthetic choices need a little fine tuning (but don’t sleep on us … we can dress ourselves so that we turn some heads!). I say that to make the point that many times we trust in your sense of fashion and style and that sometimes our objection to your hair isn’t to the look, because we know that you aren’t gonna do anything that makes you look bad. It’s the process that gets you to the desired look that makes us throw up more of a question than an objection.
And I’ll leave you with this. I know your hair is still natural (even with the hair that’s not yours) and since we’re not gonna tell you “No, you can’t do your hair that way!” Why even asks us or make the comment about your changing style? We’re your SOs … we love YOU … you love your hair (we only like your hair)!
Continue to do what you do …
SHiNE
hairscapades 
Well.. I dont even discuss hair with my husband. As long as it is neat and shinny thats all he cares. When it comes to styles he’d rather me wear corn rows all year ( its something about the parts he says ).
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Yes, I remember the scalp/part fetish. LMBO!!
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Weusi, that was a great point. Sometimes when a guy doesn’t like a style on another person, he might find out that it looks much better on his SO or visa versa. While watching tv with my SO the other day, there was a African American lady who, come to think of it, has hair like Shelli. This lady had her hair slicked back into a ponytail, and her hair was so shiny and very wavy. My SO said, “ooh I like her hair.” The style was nothing special, and I was kind of taken a back because he is more of a bone straight and loose hair type of a guy. He once said to me that he didn’t like when I wore those big curly hairstyles, at the time he was referring to a big curly wig that I had. Come to think of it, my hair resembles that wig now. Go figure. He complimented my style more when I wore some long rope twist with synthetic hair.
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You know Wei doesn’t really compliment my hair. I just know that he likes to see my face and he isn’t too fond of fake hair! LOL!!! Other than that, he doesn’t really seem to care … he just knows it’s something that I love and is of interest to me … so he supports me in any way that he can …. like writing pieces for the blog. I love that he does that:). He also supports my love for cartoons and watches them with me and hangs with the Sci-Five:).
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i love it!
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This man of yours, Shelli!!! Can I just borrow him for a weeks to teach my SO something?! Lol, I’m definitely showing this post to him.
Weusi, I love reading your posts! Keep up the great work 🙂
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Oooh, Ayeshia, let us know what he says when you show it to him:).
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I so never leave posts on blogs……….like never, ever, ever. I usually read and leave (even when they ask me not to). However, I had to comment here. Maturity is priceless!!!!!!! My husband and I are separated right now, mainly, due to the fact that he wants to control me. I can remember a similar situation between us. I ask him his opinion concerning my hair ( to help aide in MY decision), I eventually decided on the opposite, and he didn’t speak to me for days. He is very controlling and will try to bring vengance upon his subject if he/she won’t allow it. Can you imagine 10 years of this abuse?
Tell Weusi he just gave me hope that there are some reasonable, mature men out there. This was so simple, yet so profound. I had to read it two times. Okay, three. Thank you for helping me to realize what goes on in a real man’s head, and choosing to be so rational about it. “I love her….I don’t own her….there are no buts about it.”—true, and utter brilliance!!! It takes most men a life time to realize ths.
Girl, you have a true gem (no man is perfect , but this is a wonderful,and rare trait). Being able to reason as such will lend to real peace in your home and your heart!! I’m secretly envious (oh, guess it’s not really a secret. LOL)
Who knew (natural) hair issues could reveal to world the kind of man a woman has? LOL
I wish you both much happiness
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I am truly honored that this post from Wei moved you enough to comment then!! After reading that post on CurlyNikki Tuesday (did you guys see that?), I asked Wei to finish writing his post about how he felt about me getting twists. You see, he told me he was going to write about it a couple of weeks ago. He had something else completed, but it was in several parts, so I have to put it all together. But, although I didn’t know what he was going to write exactly, I knew his ultimate conclusion would always be that he loves me … and not my hair, so though he may not love it, it’ll be fine:). So, that’s why I asked him to finish it so I could post today. I wanted him to do it before he saw the CurlyNikki post … this one, in case you missed it:
http://www.curlynikki.com/2011/10/we-will-not-lose-our-love-our-marriage.html
That piece started a firestorm. I read many of the comments and was not surprised by the reactions. So, anywho, I wanted to put up something that I know would be a counter balance to it even though it wasn’t fully written yet and he hadn’t actually told me what it would say. But, again, I know Wei. And, as you said Dorian, he is a mature and reasonable man … and a gem:). Thank you so much for your kind words and your wish of happiness. I hope that you one day find a man who shares these qualities … because they are out there!
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My SO’s attitude is similiar to Weusi’s. If my hair makes me happy he is happy for me. Beside that is not why he is with me in the first place!!!
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Yeah I talked to my hubby about the NIKKI article and he said A may wouldnt just leave his family over hair there must be some underlying issue . Men will use any excuse to get out. But using hair as a scapegoat is stupid.
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